All posts by Tania M Adams

want freedom and power? embrace these 3 things

wpid-541035_407227839358688_121047578_n.jpgToday you will be given an insight into the three most valuable pieces of learning that my clients take away from their coaching journey. By embracing these my clients acquire the power and freedom to live their lives, their way!

  • Before you can make it about anyone else you have to make it about yourself.
  • The voices in your head are real; talk to them.
  • You are changing the world; do it consciously.

Before you can make it about anyone else you have to make it about yourself.

The standard pre-flight safety briefing cautions passengers, in the unlikely event of a loss of cabin pressure, to place their own oxygen mask on before assisting children and other passengers. Selfish though it may sound, the reason for this is obvious; without your own oxygen mask you will become incapacitated and not only incapable of assisting anyone, but needing assistance yourself! The same is true in life; to be truly effective in the world we must take care of ourselves first. The impulse to people please, to stretch ourselves too thinly, to overwork or put ourselves last is a tough one to manage. If you are not investing in yourself, if you are not saying no when you need to, you will find your resources depleted, leaving you not only unable to give your best in service of others but possibly even burnt out and needing help from others. It is not a selfish indulgence to make it about you first, it is a requirement.

The voices in your head are real; talk to them.

To be precise, question them. The voices sound very authoritative when they are triggered, but the truth is their vehemence is rooted in their insecurity. The voices fight hard to keep their residence in your head by resisting any alternative views (as anyone who has spent hours reciting affirmations will have discovered). In a head-to-head contest, the pre-existing belief will always win. The only way to trump the existing voice is to interrogate it. A habit of asking ourselves questions like “Is that the absolute truth?”, “What if I am capable?” or “What if it is possible?” disables the argumentative cycle in our heads and allows us to breakthrough to the place where conscious thought, insights and internal shifts happen. The voices are real and they don’t know as much as you think they do, go ahead, ask them!

You are changing the world; do it consciously.

Your presence on the planet changes everything. Take for example the parable of the man who comes across a snail on a gravel path. Immediately, he is faced with a choice; the repercussions of which will echo into perpetuity. What should he do? He could place the snail safely on the grass verge, an act of kindness to the snail which would render him accountable for any future snails that will issue from this one (and the future frustrated gardeners). Alternatively, he could leave the snail to die, whereupon he renders himself accountable for the snail’s demise and the termination of its genetic line. Whatever this man chooses, the world will be irrevocably changed.

So it is in life; every choice you make changes the world. The possibilities that this opens up are wild! Simply put you have the power, through your consistent choice of certain attitudes, values and habits to leave the world a little better or a little worse than you found it. Consider how the choices you make every day have already changed the world. If you could change anything about the world what would it be? Now that you have seen your power, use it wisely and keep changing the world, consciously!

If you are ready to access the power to begin living your life, your way or simply want to explore these wisdoms for yourself in a coaching journey check out our customised coaching programs.

Much love,

Tania written

stop what you are doing!

"Stop it!" "Stop what?" "You're doing it! I said stop!" "I'm not doing anything! What am I doing?" "You're changing the world!" "No I'm not! Me? Impossible! How can I be changing the world?" "By being in it...." "You are crAzy™!" "Yes I am!"
“Stop it!”
“Stop what?”
“You’re doing it! I said stop!”
“I’m not doing anything! What am I doing?”
“You’re changing the world!”
“No I’m not! Me? Impossible! How can I be changing the world?”
“By being in it….”
“You are crAzy™!”
“Yes I am!”

Do you believe that you change the world?  Can you begin to think of even one way in which this could be true? Each of us changes the world in large and small ways, usually without even being aware of it.  How exciting would it be if you were conscious about the impact you have on the world and worked consistently throughout your life to leave a strong legacy?

Read more  about on how each of us changes the world and leaves a legacy just by being on the planet in my post entitled the legAcy™ process.

what is a life coach?

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I am a life coach.

When I tell people that, I am usually met with puzzled looks and some mumbling about psychologists and fixing people’s problems. Although I explain what it means, I am often left with the sense that the listener didn’t quite get it. So I wonder what does it mean to say “I am a coach”? Who and what are life coaches?

The life coaching industry is unregulated, meaning that it is possible for anyone to practice as life coach; a scenario that makes choosing a coach a confusing task. There is no requirement for a coach to have a specific coaching qualification, or indeed any qualification at all.  The coaching profession encompasses a range of individuals who, on one end of the spectrum, have no qualifications but consider themselves to be great leaders, teachers or mentors, and on the other end, highly qualified people who have years of experience in their career as well as a formal accredited coaching qualification, and any variation in between. Whether or not the coaching industry should be more regulated is an ongoing debate for which there are multiple arguments on both sides. That is not the subject of today’s post. I believe a more important question to be asking is what makes a person a coach? By posing that question I am forced to look at myself and ask; what makes me a coach?

When I decided to become a coach, it was important to me that I obtained a qualification in the field. I already held a Bachelor of Commerce and a postgraduate law degree from two top universities but I felt sure that the art of coaching was a discipline in which I needed to be trained to practice as coach. I found a reputable coaching academy whose qualification is accredited by the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and qualified with Professional Coach Diploma. The question is, does my diploma make me a coach in the same way that a medical degree would make me a doctor?

At the time of obtaining my coaching diploma, I had 14 years career experience and 32 hours of coaching experience. In his book, Outliers: The Story of Success, Malcolm Gladwell makes reference to 10000 hours as being the benchmark for expertise in a field. I was certainly no coaching expert by that standard, but my career experience provided me with business acumen, knowledge, strategic ability, insight and leadership skills. If coach’s role is never to tell a coachee what to do but to guide them to find the solutions within themselves, what good is my experience if I can’t just fix it for the client?

Without my 10000 hours of career experience, I would not have been able to confidently and credibly coach the senior executives and powerful individuals that I have worked with over the years. My knowledge and experience gives me the ability to connect with a client, to be present to what their world is like and what it feels like to be them in the role they fulfil. Without that the kind of insight the coaching process can feel detached, academic and removed from the real world in which our clients function. So, is it that simple, does a qualification plus 10 or more years of career experience make a coach?

There is more to being a coach than experience and qualifications. To be a coach is no more a job than being a person is a job.  Therein is the key distinction; qualifications and experience make it possible work as a coach, they do not make a coach. The question our potential clients should really be asking is “who is a coach”?

What makes a coach is the ability to see possibilities beyond what the client can see and put the client in the position of seeing that possibility as a reality themselves. A coach simultaneously witnesses the highest potential of the client and the anxious doubtful self in the client and builds a bridge between the two, enabling the client to walk across, keep the troll in its place and reach the higher destination. A coach maintains an absolute, unwavering belief in the client’s abilities, even if the client falters. A coach is a champion for the client’s higher self; with their deep understanding of humanity they see the value in all aspects of the client, without judging, while at the same time calling forth only their highest qualities. A coach is disruptive; they have a fundamental inability to accept that how it is now is how it has to be forever. A coach challenges the status quo in favour of greatness. A coach paints the picture of you as you know you can be and walks with you as you bring it to life, all the while holding the painting up to remind you what you set out to create. Simply, a coach is an expansive, insightful, disruptive, compassionate and steadfast partner to those who choose to commit to their own greatness. This is WHO a coach is.

There is a maxim “leaders are born not made”. I’m not sure I believe that in all cases, but the meaning behind it is true of coaches too. Leadership and coaching are a being, not a doing. We can train people to do coaching; being a coach is not the same thing.

I AM a life coach.

Who or what is a coach? I’d love to hear your thoughts….

Much love,

Tania written

where do I register for a B. Parenting?

B.Parenting

I trained as a lawyer, worked as an accountant, held roles in senior management, ran businesses and lectured at a university. Six years ago, I became an executive and life coach. All the positions I’ve held carried responsibility. My competence (or incompetence) in the role had the potential to impact many people’s lives, finances and well-being. I have been a leader of people and a leader of businesses. People have counted on me to know what I was doing and to do it well.

In an attempt to minimise the risks associated with failing in these positions, industries deem it necessary that qualifications are obtained. The more onerous the position the more important it is to have a specialised qualification. I have the necessary qualifications to enable me to do those jobs. Whilst a qualification of itself does not guarantee that a person will be good at their chosen profession it does provide a foundation, a basic benchmark that ensures a minimum standard for the quality of execution in the role.

I am also a mom. Recently, I added a new role to my portfolio; step-mom. My service record as a mom spans a little more than 15 years. It is the longest I have held a job for. Now that I have become part of a blended family, my active engagement with the mom role will likely be extended by a further 9 years beyond the time that I thought it would. Of course we all know that the magic age of 18 doesn’t suddenly signal the end of the job.  Accepting the parent job is equivalent to accepting a tenured position; it is a life-time position and it is unlikely that you could be fired even if you wanted to be!  Moreover, in my job as mom, I carry enormous responsibility.  I have the potential to positively or negatively impact not only the lives of the 3 junior humans in my direct care, but the lives of all future humans who they will bring into the world for generations to come.

Yet, for the job that I have held the longest, the position that carries more responsibility than all of the roles I’ve held put together, the job in which my successes and failures will echo into perpetuity, I have no qualifications.

Studies tell us that the vast majority of humans on this planet will have at least one child. In a paper published by the American Association of University Professors it is stated that 87% of women and 81% of men reproduce. Similar percentages are reported by the US Department of Health & Human Services. In their study it was determined that some 84% of males and 86% of females will have had a biological child by the age of 45. These studies do not of course give an indication of the percentage of people who will actually raise a child, whether it is a biological child, adopted, fostered or a child of the extended family. Thus, in the roughly 15% of the global population who will not give birth to a child are people who will nonetheless parent someone’s child, effectively reducing the percentage of people who will never be a parent to below 10%.

Contrast this statistic with predictions of employment globally. Current unemployment rates globally are in the region of 13% and in some countries as high at 35%. As a global norm, people are more likely to parent a child than to have a job. Despite this, we continue to educate children to be able to work and fail to educate them to be effective parents.

The economic cost of poor parenting is incalculable. I’m not referring only to the failure to provide basic care for children. I’m referring to the cost of the emotional and psychological damage that parents can inflict on the children through ignorance of the needs of a child.

As humans we exist in a relational world. The skills that a child will need to have to contribute to society as an adult extend far beyond the ability to read and write. Technical skills are only of partial value. In the absence of self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, openness, the ability to trust, empathy and self-regulation, even the most highly educated adult is unlikely to reach their full potential. A recent article on Forbes.com states the following “Research carried out by the Carnegie Institute of Technology shows that 85 percent of your financial success is due to skills in “human engineering,” your personality and ability to communicate, negotiate, and lead. Shockingly, only 15 percent is due to technical knowledge.” These qualities and attributes are nurtured by good parenting and where they have not been learned in the childhood years, it is left up to the adult to invest in therapy or personal growth programs, a costly and time-consuming exercise.

Given the enormous impact that parenting has on the future success of a human and their ability to contribute economically, the skills required to raise another human being should be taught along with reading, writing and counting from the first day of school.

Can you imagine a university giving a tenured professorship to a completely unqualified individual and expecting them to pass on knowledge to new students?  That is effectively what the human race does when it comes to the job called parenting…

there are no mistakes, ever

wpid-no-mistakes.jpgthere are no mistakes, none, not ever, really there aren’t, I promise!

I have been asked what I mean when I say “no mistakes”. Frequently I have people agree and say, “yes, there is a bigger plan, we just don’t see it” or “yes, there is always a purpose even if we can’t see it now”, and truly, that’s not what I mean at all.

For starters, I am a big believer in free will; you create your life, your way. One decision, one action produces a consequence that you either want or don’t want, so you make another choice and get another outcome and the process continues.  It is that simple.  There is no pre-written destiny.

But let’s pretend there is. Let’s pretend that it was all planned out before we got here, then of course, whatever is happening is part of the plan.  Precisely because there is a pre-destined plan, there can be no mistakes!  Thus, even for people who believe in destiny or a greater plan; no mistakes!

So if I am such a big believer in free will, how can I say there are no mistakes? Precisely because there is no pre-destined plan, there can be no mistakes.  HuH?

Okay, let’s look at it. What is a mistake?  It’s an error, something that went wrong.   If there is a wrong, there must be a right, right?  Who decides what is right is if there is no pre-defined standard or plan against which to judge it?

In simple terms a mistake is a value judgement based upon how things should have been. In the absence of a pre-defined destiny and in the presence of Life which creates itself moment to moment, there is no standard to suggest how things should have been.  Thus, no mistakes! Just life playing itself out as we go along.

So if you believe in destiny or the great plan and if you don’t, the truth is that there are no mistakes. Everything is the way it is and the way it is, is just that, the isness.  No mistakes!

Much Love,

Tania
Tania M Adams

when would you hire a coach?

wpid-life-coaching.jpgWe would like to know what would make our followers hire a coach.  Please take a minute to complete our poll and help us understand how we can add greater value to you!

You can also click here to find out more about the services we offer.

life coaching for teens

Stressed-TeenThe life of the average teen today is far busier and more stressful than ever before. Often this is of their own choosing; modern teens are keen to challenge themselves in diverse areas. This ambition can take its toll though, leaving children fraught, exhausted and burnt-out.

The right life coach can be invaluable, empowering the adolescent with skills to deal with stressors, handle multiple roles, complete goals, manage relationships, and have a balanced life.

This article in the Huffington Post reveals the growing trend in the United States for teenagers to make use of life coaches. Teens Turn To Life Coaches To Cope With Pressures.

Click here for a free coaching assessment for your teenager.

6 powerful questions to ask yourself daily

6 Questions

If you really want to create a shift in your business and get the most from your leadership, Lolly Daskal suggests you make these powerful questions part of your daily ritual and I agree with her!

Leadership Tips: 6 Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself Daily

 

Coaching with the Brain in Mind: Foundations for Practice

Coaching With the Brain In MInd CropI enjoyed this book’s very factual content; the book creates the context for coaching as a profession and ties all the threads together in the final chapters. It is well researched and covers a broad range of aspects that I would not have anticipated judging by the title. A worthwhile read and a book to keep for further reference.

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The Step-Tween Survival Guide: How to Deal with Life in a Stepfamily

Tween Survival Guide crop

A well written book with a down-to-earth flavour that uses humour to diffuse what can be an emotionally loaded conversation. Great balance between meeting the Tween and addressing their concerns and needs and acknowledging possible unrealistic expectations or solutions. A book that is best read by step-parents and Tweens in a blended family as the central tenet of the book is ‘keep communicating’.

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the art of asking

Amanda Palmer

In this astounding talk Amanda demonstrates exquisitely the crAzy™ truth that abundance is available to all…if we are willing to receive it.

“Amanda MacKinnon Gaiman Palmer, sometimes known as Amanda Fucking Palmer, is an American performer who first rose to prominence as the lead singer, pianist, and lyricist/composer of the duo The Dresden Dolls. ” taken from Wikipedia