what are you doing?

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“Since you will leave a legacy, one way or another, what are you doing muddling along and hoping for the best? Get cracking!”

Tania M Adams

If you are passionate about leaving a meaningful legacy but are not sure how to go about it check out our latest course Have No Regrets, Embrace Purpose by Building a Life Legacy.

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as I live dying

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I am dying.

Every day I awake I am a little closer to the day when I will not wake up to the warmth of my lover lying beside me.

Closer to the day when I will no longer gaze on the faces of my children in wonderment and feel my heart swell with pride and gratitude that they chose me to be in their lives.

Closer to the day when I will hear no more the sound of the ocean roar as I fall asleep, or my cat purring on my lap as I work or my dog barking protectively when a stranger walks past.

Closer to the day when there will be no more “I love you’s” whispered breathlessly in a passionate moment, or called out the door after a departing family member leaving for school or work.

Closer to the day when my eyes will not prickle with proud tears as I watch my nieces, godsons and children putting their all into a school play, or sports game, being honoured at a prize giving, or just blowing out candles on another birthday cake.

Closer to the day when I will not giggle at silly boyish rhymes, or dance in the kitchen to crazy music while making pizza, or dodge flying feet and elbows in a Sunday morning family wrestling match.

Closer to the day when I will not smell the scent of my children warm and clean after a bath, the aroma of coffee lovingly brewed by my lover or the sleepy smell of him left on the pillow next to mine.

Closer to the day when I will not share a glass (or 3) of wine with my best friend and reminisce with her over our hilarious school-girl antics or receive her words of comfort and support reminding me that I am good and strong when I feel anything but.

Closer to the day when I will not work seamlessly by my sister’s side hosting a family gathering and hear her telling me how grateful she is for me and my help, all the while feeling in awe of a little sister who has accomplished so much.

Closer to the day when there will be no more sunrises, or sunsets, no more stargazing, no more kisses, no more laughter, no more tears or comforting hugs and no more possibilities lining up ahead of me just waiting for me to choose one.

Closer to the day when all the things I am going to do, all the words I am going to say, all the adventures I am going to take, all the sentiments I am going to share, all the places I am going to visit, all the books I am going to write, all the sights I am going to see, all the fun I am going to have will be erased from the board and the future will cease to exist for me.

Have I been diagnosed with a terminal illness, or a rare incurable condition?   No, not at all!

I was born. On that day, as it is with all creatures to whom the gift of life is given, I began dying. And every day after that day has been a day closer to the day when there will be no more days.

Unlike dying, living is not an inevitable result of being born. 

Unlike dying, living only begins when  we make the decision to live.

So I have decided to live; to pour all of myself into every experience I have, to hold back nothing of myself when I engage with others, to risk vulnerability and authenticity, to do instead of just making plans, to ask instead of assuming, to speak instead of hiding, to laugh out loud instead of smiling politely, to write, to dance, to love, to savour the taste of my morning coffee and feel the love stirred into it, to allow the interruption and pay attention when an animated child has a story to tell, to take slow walks on the beach when I don’t have time to, to make the telephone call that intimidates me, to jump into the adventure that beckons on the outer fringes of my responsibilities…

You are DYING!

When will you decide to start living?

Much love,

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The problem with the #sausagemovement

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For those of you unfamiliar with the #sausagemovement or #sausagerap, I will give you a quick overview. Simply put a group of young people (between the ages of 14 and 16) get together, one starts a beat and begins a rap like this;

Err’body say “Sausage”

KEEP IT GOING

Eggs, bacon, grits, SAUSAGE!

The rap then continues with the group repeating the word ‘sausage’ after each member has stepped in saying something along the lines of “I’m a fat bitch but I still take SAUSAGE”, or if it’s boys doing the rap, “Tell that bitch come here, lick my SAUSAGE!”

Each member of the group has a turn to say a different line with a similar (dare I say) flavour while the group chants “sausage”. There is an official lyrics sheet but the groups adapt lyrics to suit themselves, all the while keeping them within the theme of course. In some of the raps there is even a clever kind of punch line by the last rapper for example, a girl who says, “I like girls, can I still take the sausage?”

Globally, teenagers from different backgrounds, are now performing these raps and uploading them onto social media platforms like YouTube and Facebook. You can easily find them by initiating a quick YouTube search of #sausagemovement or #sausagerap. I recommend you watch some for your education. Here is the link for the official website: http://www.sausagemovement.com/

I am very clued up about social media and keep in touch with what is trending more so than many other parents because it is part of my work. Being as aware as I am about social media, how it works and what the risks are, I spend a lot of time talking with teenagers about it. When I find posts that I deem to be inappropriate we dialogue about them. What I have learned from those conversations however, is this;

Teenagers find it difficult to really grasp the risks they expose themselves to when they go online.

Even when I elaborate by drawing out the possibilities to the most horrific outcome, it doesn’t seem to hit home. I talk about the risks of being tracked by human traffickers, pornography rings or even just creepy wierdos. I talk about the risks of posting things that employers or colleges may find offensive thus jeopardising your chances of securing a job, scholarship or place in college. I talk about how the posts never really go away even after they have been deleted; I talk about how once things go viral they cannot be contained. I talk about a time, later in life when they are no longer wild teens, but settled white-picket fence parents and a damning picture or video is brought up from the past with the power to shatter everything they have built. A reputation in the world of social media, I tell them, is built from the very first post you make and it is almost impossible to redirect that reputation if it goes off course.

Your online persona is your personal brand, forever.

I feel as though I am being clear when I speak, and sometimes I feel as though I am being heard. Yet, I notice that I keep repeating the conversation. Here is where the #sausagemovement comes in.

By most parents’ standards the #sausagemovement raps (which I hope you have watched by now) are vulgar, derogatory and shameful; both in the type of language the young people are using, and also in the content of what the teenagers are saying about themselves.

Speaking to a teenager about it however, you will be met with, “it’s nothing serious”, or “it’s just a vine”, “it’s supposed to be funny”.

FUNNY!? Are you kidding me? I really struggle to see the humour in a 14 or 15 year old talking about “taking the sausage” and referring to themselves as “bitches”.

So what is the real problem here?  I can tell you, it’s NOT social media’s fault. 

Social media is simply the broadcast medium for these things.  It doesn’t cause them, it merely publicises them.  The REAL problem is that young people feel as though it is ‘funny’ to participate in something like that.  And it is OUR problem as parents, as teachers, as uncles and aunts, ministers, as responsible influencers in their lives.

When a young person cannot see how they are debasing themselves by performing that way, we have to acknowledge that we have failed them in some way.

There is a message we have incorrectly communicated or even completely failed to communicate.

The primary drive for a teenager is to gain acceptance. Historically the ability to make papers fly off the presses implied fame (or infamy). Nothing differs in the world of social media; to make a vine, a tweet or any other post go viral is an indicator of success, for a teenager an indicator of popularity. We all know that sex sells, so now do teenagers and in an effort to generate Likes or Shares or Reposts they will use whatever they can, even a phallic rap song that debases them. This, for a teenager, is an indication of popularity and acceptance by peers.

We parents and adults have unwittingly contributed to this phenomenon as media consumers.

Our children see us reading gossip magazines, newspaper headlines and scandals on all sorts of media. We even participate in it with them; watching reality TV shows with them, and following the lives of various actors or media personalities. We encourage them to follow the lives of bands like One Direction and even engage in conversations about the whys and wherefores of their career decisions as though they were friends of ours. Through our consumption of media, we have assisted the likes of the Kardashian family to perpetuate the value system that our teenagers now subscribe to. Moreover, we use social media ourselves to get likes, comments and affirmation.

We have fed the value system that says you have made it if you are popular in the media.

The problem is that media has always been a tool to tell a story, to paint a picture and to leave the media consumer with an opinion or a point of view. Using the media to create a persona was once the exclusive domain of those who could afford it and the stories were told by journalists who had a brief and guidelines about the slant or kind of picture to be painted. Even in the world of social media teams of people are hired to brief celebrities on how to use social media to tell the story they want to have told; nothing is tweeted or posted without forethought.

Since social media is freely accessible, our teenagers have become the inexperienced journalists and publicists of their own life stories.

They are telling stories about themselves that do not reflect who they really are in order to sell Likes because we have conspired with mass media to show them that Likes=Acceptance. They are too young to be able to anticipate and really grasp what the future could look like so they believe that with an instant delete the story can be changed and the future is protected. We know that is not so.

I feel a twinge of sadness as I write this because I once asked my teenager about her and her friends’ management of their Instagram accounts. She was straightforward, “it’s just to get more likes; we collect likes”. I didn’t get it until today. What I see now is that, at the time she was telling me exactly what she and all teenagers are using their behaviour on social media to do, and I missed it. Now that I see it, I will be taking a long look at myself and how I have modelled that value system for her. Will you do it too?

It is our duty to change the value system that says mass popularity at all costs means you have made it.

We can only do that by examining our own relationship with media and celebrities so that we can demonstrate a different value system. And we need to do this urgently, not just for our teens today but for all the children younger than them for whom we are also responsible. Trying to talk a teenager into a new value system is too late; raising a teenager starts at birth.

What is your media behaviour communicating to your children about the meaning of success and acceptance?

Much love,

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3 reasons coaching via technology is better for you, the client

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Within the context of the online world, your choice of coach is no longer limited to someone who is in your locale. Skype and other online meeting software has made it possible for busy leaders and executives to fit in a 60 minute coaching session in their own environment, and with the coach of their choice, from anywhere in the world. This way of accessing coaching creates additional benefits for the client, not directly related to coaching.

Like what?

Read on to see the 3 reasons why coaching via technology is better for you, the client.

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I need your help…

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Tania M Adams offers you all of her Udemy courses for only $5 each. Normally up to $199 each.

Have I gone mad? Yes! May Day Madness! If this sounds crAzy, it is! Those of you who follow me on Twitter and Facebook or who read my blog know; that’s my motto- “crAzy always wins!”

I have dedicated my life to teaching people to live life their crAzy authentic way so that they achieve massive success and change the world by leaving a powerful legAcy. And now I need YOUR help……

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be your legacy NOW!

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Have you ever wondered about leaving a personal legacy?

The legacy we leave is defined by who we are and what we do.  It is the result of the sum total of our actions and behaviours, our attitudes, our outlook on life, our values, our moods and most importantly our habits.

I wonder about consciously choosing a legacy to leave and committing to being that
already……

Much love,

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Do you want to leave a meaningful legacy but don’t know how to do start?

Check out our self-study course entitled “Have No Regrets, Embrace Purpose by Building a Life Legacy”

Preview it now for FREE by clicking this link https://www.udemy.com/make-your-life-count-4-steps-to-creating-a-life-legacy/?couponCode=Legacy105

what’s this crAzy™ living thing?

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Something that has always bothered me about the “success” and “motivational” industry is that success stories are most often told by those who have mastered the principles and only once they have achieved success.  The message they share is that anyone can do it; all it takes is commitment, visualisation, action and perseverance.  The unspoken implication is that if you are not seeing the success, then you haven’t committed enough, visualised enough, hung on enough…..  I have trouble with this.

I have no trouble with the principles; commit, visualise, be in action and persevere, this is indeed the recipe.  I know it to be so, because not only have I seen the speakers, read the books, attended the courses, I have lived it!  The recipe is not what I have trouble with. Do you want to know what I have trouble with?

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I want YOU…..

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Are you a professional blogger, author, coach, business leader or speaker who has something to say?

Do you want to increase your audience?

This is a call to any bloggers, writers or other professionals who want to extend the reach of their message by being featured on my website www.taniamadams.com.

Specifically I am interested in featuring people who have expertise or interest in the following areas; coaching, personal growth, motivational speaking, business leadership, families, parenting or teenagers and who already have an active blog.

Why would I want to contribute to your website?

By contributing to this website you will have the opportunity of reaching out to my audience, an audience that you may not have connected with before. By sharing my audience with you we will both enjoy exposure, you to a new audience, me by sharing fresh content. You will be associated with a well-known and successful brand that aligns with yours and compliments it.  In short, you will have a bigger voice and additional credibility which means your unique message gets heard!

Sounds good! I want to be featured on your blog, what next?

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allowing

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Have you ever wondered what to do when everything that can be done has been done?

There often comes a time when we are working to change a situation that we have done everything that is reasonably possible and the results aren’t visible yet.  We may feel compelled in that moment to keep doing, even to dig up the seed to make sure it is growing, or to tug on the seedling.

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not part of the plan

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Have you ever wondered how it ended up like this?

Do you ever have those days, when you look at your life in bewilderment and can’t quite work out where you took the wrong turn that brought you to a place in your life that you don’t recognise as ever having been part of the plan?  I know I do!

On those days we have a choice, we can wander around in circles trying to figure out what went wrong, taking it personally and punishing ourselves for getting lost, or we can take stock of where we are, determine what needs to happen in order to get back on track with creating the life we promised ourselves, and start moving forward again leaving the past behind. 

What do you choose?

Much love,

letting go

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Have you ever wondered…

…how it is that sometimes when you invite new into our lives it doesn’t seem to manifest?

We cannot draw anything new into our lives until we make space for it by letting go of the old. The “old” may be physical belongings, belief systems, attitudes, emotional wounds or even relationships. The universe abhors a vacuum so once the space is made….it will be filled!

What do you need to let go of today in order to make space for what you really want….?

 Much love,

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shifting into results

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Have you ever wondered, how you would know that you have shifted?

It may happen that we may feel stuck in spite of doing a lot of work on ourselves.  We may be using positive affirmations, reading self-help books, enlisting the help of a coach or therapist and not be sure if it is doing any good.

Look out for evidence of the results.  The conditions in our lives are a reflection of what is going on inside us.  When you start seeing new results you can be sure that you have re-programmed yourself, you have done the work, and created a shift!

The results are incorruptible!

What are your results telling you about what is going on inside…….?

Much love,

 

If you are not seeing the results you want and you are struggling to make changes by working alone, check out our coaching programs designed to take you from where you are to where you deserve to be.  Click here for more info