Many years ago I went away on an adventure weekend with a group of my sister’s friends. In the group was a pair of identical twins. Whilst they looked identical, they were as different in temperament, passions and desires as any two strangers could be. One was tomboyish and determined to be a pilot, the other more feminine and quieter. While waiting for an activity to begin one morning, the group’s attention fell on a pair of sunglasses. The glasses were admired, passed around the group and tried on accompanied by the usual questions “what do you think?’, and “do they suit me”?
One of the twins tried the glasses on, only to have her sister remove them, put them on herself and say to us, without a hint of humour or irony, “Don’t you think they look better on me?” The group fell silent before bursting into fits of laughter. Only when we pointed out that they look exactly the same on each twin did she see the funny side.
The incident has stayed with me as a profound example of the concept of identity and the image we hold of ourselves. Although the sisters looked identical they did not recognise each other as identical. This morning, while pondering the question of finding one’s soul mate or twin soul, the story came back to me.
Like so many people I spent years searching, seemingly in vain for my twin soul.
When such a search seems so futile we may find ourselves sad, lonely or settling for second best. Today I am blessed to say that my twin soul walks through life right by my side every day. Wondering what I would say if I was asked how I found my twin, the immediate answer that came to mind was I that I didn’t find him. The truth is I had given up.
Ah yes, you have read that in other books, “stop looking and the person will come to you”. That is not what I am saying. I hadn’t given up looking; I had given up looking for him.
If you are not finding your twin it is because you do not know what you look like, and therefore what your twin looks like. Until you know what you look like, feel like, who you are in your very essence, you will never be able to recognise yourself in the other sunglasses wearer.
I am saying, give up looking for your twin and start looking for yourself.
I cannot guarantee that when you find yourself you will find your twin. What I can guarantee is that you will find a peace and love that entirely removes the sense of desperation, failure and unloveability that so often accompanies the search for our beloved. You will find yourself living with the energy and lightness that comes from expressing the fullness of our authentic selves.
Moreover, I can guarantee that when you do recognise yourself in your twin soul, the relationship will be characterised by a complete lack of self-consciousness and an absolute absence of the kind of doubt that whispers to us that we need to change to make the person love us or stay with us. In the fullness of the authentic recognition comes the blissful knowing that two perfect wholes (not-halves) are reflected in one another and nothing needs to be changed.